Hate, No Hate

Sequels. Admittedly, they’re a mixed bag. Some are worthwhile and others are like the VX poison gas from The Rock that Nicholas Cage wished he could disinvent. Let’s take a look at some examples shall we.

Quick Hits – Sequels That Pretty Much Everyone Agrees Are Great

These are in no particular order, and there isn’t a whole lost more to say about them.

1. Aliens. Duh.
2. The Godfather: Part II. Better than the original.
3. Terminator 2: Judgment Day. He’s the governor of California!
4. Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn and Army Of Darkness. A Double Threat. If in doubt, watch them with Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell commentary.
5. Dawn Of The Dead. Genius.

Those are the easy ones. If you dispute any item on this list go fuck yourself fascist.

Underrated – Sequels That Deserve Just As Much Respect As Their Predecessors

These are, of course, more debatable, but it would be presumptuous to question the Drax’s wisdom. You see, I have no life and have devoted a lot of time and energy into championing these films. Back the fuck off.

1. Back To The Future: Part II and Back To The Future: Part III. In recent years both films have come under attack by so-called purists. Some movie critics actually contend that the second film was anything short of brilliant. Jesus Christ. We audience members know better in this regard (hoverboards anyone?). But audiences and critics alike unfairly hate on the third installment big time. Why? Since we had already explored the future and present in the first two films, it would seem only logical to delve deep into the past in the third entry. C’mon, I mean I hate everything, but Part III was just plain fun. The climactic train sequence towards the end was perfectly scripted and executed. Yes, the first two acts of Part III are a bit soggier than those of Part II, but give me a break. Deep down you like it.
2. Alien³. I’m pretty much alone on this one. Guess what? Everyone else is wrong, wrong, wrong. Successful sequels can give us a ramped up version of more of the same (i.e. X2), or they can evolve, carrying the concept forward in a logical and meaningful way. Aside from Alien³’s suburb art direction, editing, cinematography, and score, the movie actually tried to advance our understanding of the subject material by challenging our preconceptions of what had already transpired in the series. Truly, Alien³ was daring in that it placed us in a world where nothing was sacred and no one, even Ripley, was safe. It makes sense if you think about it. These creatures are supposed to be the most terrifying things ever encountered. They may have not got you in the first two films, but they’ll get you in the third. They win, we lose. As in life, sometimes there are no happy endings. See the film as an AIDS allegory. See the Ripley as a Christ metaphor. See something. The film is nihilistic sure, but it’s more of an art film than the first two, and, in that way, it accomplishes something that few sequels do – it’s different enough to stand on its own and be a film in its own right. Remember, Fincher is genius, except for Panic Room.
3. The Godfather: Part III. Ignore Sophia Coppola. Andy Garcia … DeNiro he ain’t. A little boring? Sure. But it’s not bad at all. Part II was a hard act to follow. Stick around for the ending and you have a pretty poignant bookend to the series. The helicopter massacre in the beginning was quite good too. All in all, it’s not as bad as people say because those people are likely impatient, unthinking idiots.
4. The Road Warrior. I just don’t think many people have seen it. Better than Braveheart (Best Picture, 1995) that’s for sure. Maybe The Road Warrior should get an Oscar for something. Gladiator did. Ugh.
5. Robocop 2. A ramped up version of more of the same, but Sin City author Frank Miller does an excellent job of delivering the goods – satire, drugs, and over the top gore and violence (nuke, brain smashing).
6. Batman Returns. How does a critical and commercial success like Batman Returns not age so well these days. Its tone was perfect. It, like 1992’s other summer sequel Alien³, was a reflection of when nihilism was in vogue. Also, the villains were so well-written and captivating that Batman himself almost disappears from the narrative entirely. You can sympathize with the seemingly tragic plight of both the Penguin and Catwoman. If that’s not an example of an evolution in concept I don’t know what is. It’s weird, but it’s Tim Burton weird. I love it. So should you.
7. Star Wars: Episode VI – Return Of The Jedi. Some people don’t like Ewoks. Get over it. The duel between Skywalker and Vader at the end is timeless. Try to ignore Lucas’ new “additions” like the musical number in Jabba the Hut’s palace and Hayden Christensen’s faggy ghost at the end.
8. Wayne’s World 2. Mostly critics have a problem with this one. It’s funny.

Quick Hits – Sequels That Everybody Agrees Sucked Big Time

You’ll notice a few entries that refer back to better sequels above.

1. Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines. Why? Oh and why we’re at it, let’s undermine that whole “no fate but what we make” thing.
2. Alien: Resurrection. Ruined a perfect trilogy.
3. Lethal Weapon 2, Lethal Weapon 3, Lethal Weapon 4. Does anyone remember the plots to these movies? Does anyone care? The first one was certainly not good enough to warrant this many follow-ups. Who honestly said after watching the crap sandwich that was Lethal Weapon, “Yum, that was good. I want some more.”
4. The Matrix: Reloaded, The Matrix: Revolutions. So wrong for so many reasons to list here.
5. Hannibal, Red Dragon. Stupid, Stupid.
6. Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace, Star Wars: Episode II – Attack Of The Clones, Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge Of The Sith. Some legacy. I pity the new generation of Star Wars fans that have been forever scarred by these atrocities.

Quick Hits – Inexplicably Successful Sequels

1. Spiderman 2. He pulled his mask off for a whole train of people to see! Even I have a camera on my cell phone, and I, predictably, have the cheapest model. This story is over.
2. Rush Hour 2. Two words … Brett Ratner. Nuff said.

Quick Hits – Mistakes In The Making – Coming Soon: Shitty Sequels

1. X3. Two more words … Brett Ratner. I’m sensing a pattern here.
2. Rush Hour 3. Luckily this one might be in trouble because of “superstar” Chris Tucker’s salary demands. I got news for you Chris … your entire resume consists of pretty much the Rush Hour franchise and Money Talks with Charlie Sheen.
3. Rocky VI, Rambo IV. Stallone vanity projects. If such things are possible.
4. Spiderman 3. I said the story’s over.

Given the amount of sequels made (especially in the horror genre) and Hollywood’s love affair with them, I’ve probably neglected to fit quite a few into my lists. Deal with it. These are the main ones that come up in conversation. However, I do apologize for any oversight. Wait no I don’t. That’s what comments are for. Enjoy.

Drax out.